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  • Skye Burgess

Enneagram Love Languages

How I show love and how I appreciate love...

- Skye Burgess

The Enneagram shows us that we are all different. We are different in the way we see the world, the way in which we love and the way in which we feel loved. People usually express their love in the domains of the five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, and acts of service. The below article will delve into how each Enneagram type best shows and receives love.

Type 1 – Standard Bearer

The Enneagram one’s in their highest self are the protector of justice and principle. Life is filled with planned organisation and structure. When in love, they seek excitement and spontaneity. They like to work on constantly improving their relationship to arrive at that perfect result. They value trust and honesty.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Ones show their love by helping you with tasks.

  • They are natural organisers and ease your mind by making your life more ordered.

  • They will treat you with meaningful gifts to show you how much they care

  • They appreciate gratitude in return

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Ones appreciate a sense of playfulness and fun in a relationship when they are in their essence.

  • Words of encouragement help ease the self-critical narrative of their mind.

  • Tell them when they have made a difference in your or another’s life.

  • They value doing the right thing and will appreciate when you engage in an act of service with them.

Type 2 – Generous Altruist

Enneagram Twos become generous and selfless when they are at their best. They love to love. They are constantly looking to help their partner in any way they can. Often, they neglect their own needs in a relationship as they are so focused on pleasing others. They love to feel needed by others, show them love by showing appreciation for all that they do for you.

Showing love

  • An Enneagram Two will show their love in helping you in any way they can.

  • They perform acts of service and will spoil you with gifts.

  • They have a genuine nurturing nature that will make you feel comfortable and cared for.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Twos love to feel loved.

  • Show them kindness and affection often.

  • Appreciate the things they do for you and let them know how much they help you.

  • Get to know the little things that a type two loves, they appreciate an act of genuine and intimate care.

Type 3 – Authentic Deliver

Enneagram Threes become authentically genuine when they are in their essence. They love achievement and feeling admired. Words of affirmation uplift the hearts of the Enneagram Three. Desiring to be the centre of attention, they yearn to be accepted and applauded by others. They love to motivate others to be their best.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Threes show love by motivating others with words of encouragement.

  • They will shower you with grand displays of their love.

  • They will try being the best partner as they love to be the best at everything they do.

  • They value ambitious partners and would love to climb mountains together.

  • They value the courage to be authentic and remove their social façade.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Threes love to be admired, show them love by recognizing and praising their achievements.

  • Telling them how much they inspire you makes them feel loved and special.

  • Show them love and encouragement especially when they fail, as failure can be especially harsh to them.

  • They appreciate a gift to show how much you care.

  • Most importantly, they want to know that they are loved for who they are and not what they do.

Type 4 – Compassionate Creative

Enneagram Fours are deep and compassionate individuals when they are at their best. They are soft and deeply emotional individuals. They understand great emotion and becoming truly yourself in a standardised world. They are empathetic and thrive with people who hold space for them to blossom into their most authentic and unique selves. They crave emotional attentiveness and depth, a partner who is beautiful inside as well as out.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Fours feel their love intensely.

  • They deeply feel intimacy and connection and need a relationship with significant depth.

  • Otherwise known as ‘The Romantic’, Fours will show their love in flamboyant display of sentiment.

  • They will give meaningful gifts, expressing their talent and natural creativity.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Fours appreciate a partner who is patient with their fluctuating emotions and hold space for them to blossom.

  • They feel loved when their partner encourages them to follow their passions and express their inner creativity.

  • They value deep and intelligent conversations and meld well with introspective individuals.

  • They value sincerity in words of affirmation and authenticity in love.

  • They can feel misunderstood and appreciates being reminded of your love.

Type 5 – Wise Sage

Enneagram Fives hold a deep sense of wisdom when they are centred and have access to their higher self. They value intelligence and analytical thinking. They are private individuals who do not like to be in the limelight. They appreciate partners who challenge them mentally and allow them to learn. They value a love that allows them to let their guard down and be privately intimate with their partners. Type Fives are independent and generally emotionally stable, allowing themselves to be a point of stillness and reflection for their partner. Since they are more mentally inclined, Fives can come off as emotionally distanced and non-attached. It helps when their partner acknowledges this and gives them space and patience to open up.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Fives are curiously observant and will remember many trivial things about their partners.

  • They love to give gifts which are clever and well thought out.

  • They are generally objective and helps their partners solve problems within their lives.

  • They may not show their love affectionately but will show you that they love you in other ways.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Fives are minimalistic and appreciate private displays of love rather than big celebrations.

  • They find a deep sense of intimacy and connection through depth of conversation and mental foreplay.

  • They enjoy partners with an enthusiastic sense of curiosity and wonder, opening new doors of exploration together.

Type 6 – Courageous Warrior

Enneagram Sixes become a figure of bravery, resilience and strength when they are at their best. They are funny, engaging and unquestionably loyal. They are grounded and secure people to have in your corner and will make their love for you clear. They are natural sceptics, and it may take time to enter their inner circle. However, once you are in there, they will be there for you, no matter what. Just, do not betray them or break their trust. They are committed and trustworthy individuals. They seek love that is grounded and practical.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Sixes are funny and uplifting individuals who love to brighten the lives of their loved ones.

  • They show love through their jokes and goofiness.

  • Their heart beats deeply to the emotions around them, they are deeply empathetic individuals who can understand the feelings of their significant other.

  • They show their love by protecting loved ones and always looking out for potential risks. They enjoy quality time with their intimate partners.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram sixes benefit from relationships which are trustworthy and stable.

  • They may get anxious and as a result find core need for security within their intimate relationships.

  • They need trustworthiness and the tender encouragement to progressively move outside of their comfort zone.

  • They value a sincere, listening ear to help them in times of fear or stress.

  • They value people who can shed a positive light on their dark and suspicious thoughts.

Type 7 – Intuitive Visionary

Enneagram Sevens are introspectively intuitive when they are in their higher self. They are natural dreamers. They are wildly optimistic, fun, and adventurous individuals. They do not like to be tied down or restricted in any way. They love a life of options and are always keen on having the most fun. They are big dreamers and are ambitious to reach any dream that catches their interest. They can be scattered and appreciate a partner who helps them structure their lives and help turn their dreams into a reality. In a world so fast-paced and exciting, Sevens crave a partner who can slow them down and bring them back to the present moment.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Sevens show their love through enjoying their time spent with their partner.

  • They love excitement and hedonistic enjoyment in all of their relationships.

  • They can always put a positive spin on their partner’s day and make them loved.

  • They are great at planning exciting dates that will be tons of fun. fepicures

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Sevens receive love best when they are loved but not trapped.

  • Freedom is the perfect word to love them.

  • Give them the space to be who they are and laugh with them in the excitement of it.

  • Don’t be too pessimistic as this will surely drive a Seven away.

  • Whilst Sevens are so fast paced and scattered, you can best love a Seven by slowing them down and bringing them back to the present.

  • Being their solid rock that they may float and come back to.

Type 8 – Magnanimous Protector

Enneagram Eights are the mighty protectors of all those around them when they are at their best. They stand up for justice and are natural leaders. They are powerful individuals who like to call the shots, be in control and fiercely protect the ones they love. They do not always express their affection openly, but you can be sure that they will always be there for you and have your back.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Eights do not always express their love overtly but do not mistake this for a lack of feeling or care.

  • They will show their love by protecting you, making you feel secure and pushing you to be the best you.

  • They will be a figure of comfort and support, allowing you to feel safe in their arms.

  • They are natural leaders and assertive, engaging you with their confidence.

  • They value deep connections and grounded relationships.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Eights are known for their power and strength.

  • They truly value relationships which allow them the freedom to be vulnerable and let their guard down.

  • They crave deep and authentic connections and love to feel like they are the providing figure.

  • They fiercely care for their loved ones and desire passion in their relationships.

  • They are soft on the inside and love a partner with who they can be their soft self around.

  • They are natural doers and love partners who they can do things with

Type 9 – Calm Peacemaker

Enneagram Nines are soothingly calm and balanced when they are centred. They are harmonious and peaceful souls. They shy away from conflict and wish that the entire world would just be at peace. They are grounded and earth-loving individuals who take life at a slower pace. Things flow easily with an Enneagram Nine, they are easy to get along with and are great at calming people down.

Showing love

  • Enneagram Nines are peace-individuals, they show their love by being love.

  • They hold space without judgement, they always have a kind and open ear, and they are naturally calming people.

  • They are easy-going and defuse angry situations with ease.

  • They are deeply compassionate and will make their partner feel understood and safe.

  • They are warmly embracing and hold a deep sense of spiritual connection to the world around them.

  • They show love by offering different perspectives to a problem.

Receiving love

  • Enneagram Nines appreciate being tended with care.

  • They prefer to talk calmly than to engage in any sort of argument.

  • They love taking things slow and do not like to be rushed.

  • They find an expressive sense of life through breathing, love them through breathing with them.

  • They feel loved when they choose to share something, and they are heard.

  • Often their voice is overlooked, they deeply appreciate being heard.


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