Enneagram Type Two - The Helper

Area of Avoidance: Feeling selfish by focusing on or addressing own needs.

Core Positive Attribute: Service

Often Attracted to…

• Helping others.

• Supporting others.

• Being indispensable.

• Being needed.

• Feeling worthy of appreciation.

• Receiving acknowledgement for what I do.

• People contact.

• Building relationships.

Often Avoids…

• Acknowledging and addressing own needs.

• Feeling unworthy of being loved.

• Disappointing others.

• Feeling rejected.

• Being unappreciated and unacknowledged by others.

• Lack of relationship and people contact.

• Asking others for help.

High Integration – characteristic behaviours

• Authentic unconditional giving and support.

• Takes action on own needs and balances this with supporting others in appropriate ways.

• Warm-hearted, generous and relational.

• Able to say “no” to requests when this is appropriate.

• Able to prioritise tasks in terms of importance and urgency and act on them appropriately.

• Compassionate and empathetic.

• Operates independently and interdependently.

Low Integration – characteristic behaviours

• Conditional giving and support – wanting some form of appreciation in return.

• Feels prideful about helping and supporting others.

• Needs acknowledgement from others to feel good about themselves.

• Great difficulty saying “no” to requests.

• Overloaded with commitments made to assist other people.

• No time for self.

• Possibility of ‘burn-out’ leading to complete exhaustion.

• Emotionally reactive – histrionics, resentment and anger outbursts.

• Controlling others through guilt, dependency and co-dependency.

Typical development needs

• Learning to balance own needs with the needs of others.

• Learning to feel a sense of worthiness without the need for acknowledgement from others, and so develop an internal locus of control.

• Learning to respond to requests appropriately and to say “no” when this makes sense.

By Colin Adam